you never know

here we go again.... no no here i go again. on my mental adventure, care to join? I cant guarantee any peanuts or pretzels but grab a cocktail if you would like and lets see where miss memorable j's thoughts lead us tonite.

As i have on my status on myspace "being free spirited..loving art->music,dance,art pieces,etc...loving nature, & everything life has 2 offer. 2no ull b ok no matter what. beautiful."

I think ill elaborate on that because for the past few days i have been thinking a lot *as usual.* I have been thinking about how i could not imagine being closed minded... not that im saying 'not ignorant to learning about new things' i am simply saying that i couldnt imagine not feeling like such a free mental spirit. theres no reason to be angry...

i am on a cruise through life- the sights are beautiful, and any positive human being who is up for the ride is free to join me. but i wanna see what your mindset is all about. i cannot have "relationships" with anyone who i feel i am always skimming the shit off of the top of the pool with. i need substance. depth. emotion. raw truth. pain. happiness. let me into that head of yours-

i often catch myself expressing to those who are close to me that its almost like we are walking this earth with horse blinders on every day... because as hard as it is to explain- the world in our own mind is the only thing we know of, and its so hard to get your mentality out of your head and understand what people see from their eyes.... literally or figuratively. I have a severe issue of wanting people to understand how beautiful i think the world is. how great things can be if you just- let go a little- talk about your feelings, fears, past - whatever it is that you feel molds- or has molded you into the person that you are today... the only true happiness you can ever experience on earth comes from interaction with other human beings because at the end of the day, all of the materialistic bullshit that we engulf ourselves in- the cars, clothes, bags, shoes, accessories, houses- they dont matter. they dont matter at all. how could they? if you dont have love and connections with others- then what do you truly have? nothing.... so for me- understanding someones world/mentality/vision- it is very crucial for me to have what i believe to be a significant type of relationship with anyone.... all the other shit that goes on and the things we talk about is so vague and empty.... im all about experiences that open your mind... and for me it takes simplicity. ill stop here with this because all i will keep trying to do is elaborate on what im saying and it may get redundant... and we dont want that. i think i got my point across... just getting out of our own minds and seeing what is really there thru experiences and talking and understanding.... gets us out of our own mind-created world....

ART. wow art. music. paintings. dance. drawings. jewelry. make up. sewing...

whatever it takes for someone to express their inner feelings without the use of words is so great.

i was talking about music one nite with someone special to me while listening to dave matthews band- i asked them if they played an instrument in a band what would it be? he said guitar. i never thought about an instrument in the way that im about to describe to you until this moment while listening to them- but the connection that someone can have with an instrument- the ability they have to move others just by striking the strings on their guitar in a specific sequence- the way that they can arise the emotions of their listeners.... by non verbally speaking... its just incredible. and they may not even create the same emotion in everyone- because what it is for the player and each listener will all vary because of prior experiences that each person has had in their lives that has created the world in their mind that they live in, which then created the way they perceive things, and no two minds think alike... it makes me want to play guitar... each emotion being spoken by a specific sound on your instrument- thats amazing. :) it sounds so nerdy but i dont look at instruments the same way anymore...

dance is a "wholenothertopic"- haha. shows like so you think you can dance just get me way to emotional- im so happy for the people that make it to the show and i hope that the talented people that didnt make it never give up- that they keep pushing for their dreams whether they are dance related or not...on another note, i love to dance with someone who can "feel" the music on the same emotional level as myself- even if the music were in japanese and neither of us could understand a damn word but we were feeling it the same way- thats a beautiful chemistry you can have with someone for the kind of non verbal mind-opening experience i spoke of up there ^

drawings and paintings speak for themselves- i cannot return to a drawing i have started if i dont finish it in the time frame i gave myself. i have tried several times to return to drawings and finish them but you can always see where i restarted because the lines never look fluid enough to fit with the rest of the work ive previously done. ironically jewelry also. i cant go back to a bracelette i have started and try to finish it. it is almost like i dont understand why i was making it the way that i had began- that emotion was old- and out of the window it went, never to be seen again... even make up- i can never seem to recreate the same exact look twice- theres always something different- unless i look at a photo i had and truly treat my face as a canvas and not my face- i dont know if that makes sense.... if not- oh well- i know what i mean. lol

nature- ever since i read "the tao of health, sex and longevity" and "a new earth" i have a completely different appreciation for certain things in nature- especially trees- i dont know- try this: next time you are outside- look at an older tree nearby- the way it has grown- completely adapted to its environment- the branches seem to know exactly where they need to be so that each one of its leaves can get ample sunlight... the moon amazes me too- more or less because of the distance from the earth to the moon- the fact that we can see it- and the shadow that the earth casts onto the moon from the suns light just seems so cool too- haha i sound so nerdy right now but its the truth... everything that surrounds us has its beauty- its "specialness" if you may.

so at the end of the day what im trying to get at here is that there is no way that anyone could be surrounded by the raw truths of the world and not feel complete freedom and happiness no matter what their situation. someone has always got it worse than you- and they may even be happier than you are.... they have what they need to survive, and for them, thats enough...

there has actually been studies done, also, that suggest that humans who have more connection/deep interaction with others live longer and suffer far less heart attacks-even with terrible diets- than those who do not have good relations and eat healthy... life is so beautiful and this world is full of so many of us who need to tell our stories, feelings, pain to someone... who will you choose today? theres no reason that you should ever go a day without expressing to someone that they are missed, or that you love someone... you may never see them again- and yes that idea gets played out but its the damn truth, you know- what is holding you back from telling anyone how you feel about them? especially if its positive- you might make their day, or open the door for them to be convinced that they need to tell someone they care for how they feel and you just began a whole domino effect of positivity, and how the hell could that ever be a bad thing? its impossible! thats what we all need more of nowadays (love)- the way things seem to be going economically and i hate to even bring that up bc the media just blows everything up so that us americans are frantic, miserable, medicated, and numb to what it all comes down to at the end of the day- theres so much more to life than money. maybe all u need is that call from a loved one to soothe your stressed out soul and remind you that- "it aint so bad afterall and everythings gonna be alright"

so if youre feeling this way, pick up your phone and call someone to tell them you care, or you miss them. play some bob marley while you do this, whatever your musical preferance. grab some instruments and have a one man jam session. dance your ass off. sing your heart out. smile. laugh. go outside and breathe in as deeply as you can. remind yourself that youre alive! keep your tv off for a day- do things that remind you that you are not a robot and thinking about things isnt so bad afterall! life is good.

*note* i never have a clue where im going to go when i start writing and im always pleased- as i didnt fail myself tonite... good nite world- you are all beautiful :)