If you had a choice to be the priority or the option...what would you choose. The priority of course. Nobody in their right mind would ever CHOOSE to go through the pain of being the option of their priority. never.
So then why do we put ourselves there? The feeling of no control, the hurt of waiting (to see or hear from that person again)- only to be let down time and time again..... its not what i would call good, amazing, positive, comforting or any other uplifting word I can come to think of off the top of my head. It is our own fault that we place ourselves in a position to be the option. The question in mind is "Why?". Why do we allow ourselves to come second best to anything in someones life- when we place them before anything in our own life? We allow into our lives this feeling of no control, and the hurt of being let down time and time again- when we are in fact in control of our positions in life...one of the few possible answers i can come up with as to why we do this to ourselves is because we are afraid that if we take control, take the reigns, that person may no longer be part of our lives.... & that the person you were hoping them to be may actually have a chance to come into your life in the flesh (meaning- a person you may or may not already know that we arent seeing due to the focus on the priority to which we are an option) instead of as a fantasy that your priority will never become. Should we not want to get rid of this person and feeling over being afraid to lose them???? makes sense to me.
I saw a quote the other day saying "the control in a relationship is held by the person who cares the least." Im sick of being in a relationship with someone who cares less. I dont want to ever feel vulnerable to someone who isnt on the same exact page as me ever again. I want someone to want to be with me as much as i want to spend time with them. I want someone who cares for me as much as i care for them... im sick of feeling like i have to prove i am good, fun, easy-going, drama free, happy, positive and confident to someone who wants to believe that i am not all of those things in one degree or another. All of the 'youre worth it's the 'you deserve more's 'youre amazing's the 'youre such a good girl's dont matter when they arent coming from his mouth or they arent shown in his actions towards me- Its ridiculous...
if you know who you are, and someone doesnt see it then walk away... there is no use in trying to prove yourself to anyone. someone else will see you for you and love you as you are.... someone will want to spend time with you and grow with you. no games. no lies. no bullshit. no drama. Because youre worth it. I am worth it. theres someone for everyone and even the shittiest assholes in the world can find a shitty asshole companion. so i can have a man who wants to be in a good, happy, positive, loving, growing, caring, compassionate, grateful relationship. i dont have unrealistic wants or needs by any means. i know that i hold on to the idea i have that "you dont meet someone where you have that connection with them at the beginning like that... so when you find it, dont let go." but people change. problems come up. people handle them differently and you can outgrow one another.... i guess... i dont really believe that....honestly. i am talking bullshit myself now and trying to sound all positive and pump myself up. its not working. haha. i think people dont communicate and then they seem to "outgrow" each other but really they can be open and talk about their problems and understand one another and appreciate each others honesty and end up closer than they had been before....
whatever the reasons are.... wherever the problems came from.... whatever is lingering now... causing the distance.... i know that i am not happy with this situation and i am ready to be on the same page as someone ready to be a priority to my priority. have no doubts. not feel second best to anyone else in his life (outside of family. i want to be treated like family).. i wish i could be on the same page as Him... i dont know if there are lessons that he thinks he needs to teach me... maybe he really stopped caring and doesnt mind if he loses me??? if im being "trained" or something like that???? i just know that i need to find my backbone. suck up the fact that "it is what it is" and that im not liking that, and "do what i do".... leave my wishes and hopes in the bottomless wishing well i threw them in...make new wishes and when the time is right i will have what i want... without feeling like an option.
i deserve to be treated better than someone's "friend". After however long it is that you realize that someone means something to you, you begin to treat them better than you treat your friends. invite them to do things that you invite your friends to do....and more... Prove to that someone special that they are special to you- by listening to what they like or appreciate and keep it in your mind and do something to show you hear them and you just wanted them to know you were thinking of them and you wanted to put a smile on their face...
bedtime.
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I keep coming back to that Seinfeld episode where they talk about having 'hand' in a relationship. If you haven't seen it, check it out.
ReplyDeleteHope you're feeling better.
Attraction is an fascinating topic and the truth behind what you where pondering would vary greatly depending on the individuals involved. The psyche of a man and a woman are vastly different and what attraction is based on, the reasons typical men and women are attracted to one person or another are also going to be very different.
ReplyDeleteWomen of outstanding beauty are bored by men who kiss up and constantly tell them how beautiful they are, there is no challenge no battle to be won. If it’s easy its usually not worth it. Women like a challenge, nice guys are just… boring. Men and women, especially attractive ones who have options, are always going to be more intrigued by the ones who turn them down, the cat and mouse game builds up tension that tension turns to passion if right strings are plucked. A lot of it is about… (status isn’t really the right word but it’s the best one available to me at the moment)… lets go laments, its like a girl is almost always going to be intrigued by a guy that treats her in a way that she is not used to. So instead of drooling all over himself and firing off the same compliments she hears 10,000 times a day, maybe he makes a fun of her a little bit… tell her that her shoes look really “comfortable” when in reality shes wearing some sick heels, or tells her that she could of done a better job with her make up or makes fun of her oddly shaped head. Nothing downright mean but little passive jabs that let her know that this guy is comfortable with her beauty and he’s used to being around beautiful women.
What it ends up being is just praying on insecurities. Women, especially beautiful women, have a hidden ego. They know they are beautiful and are used to being treated as such, when all of the sudden they are treated as regular or less than, if they guy does a good job of displaying his own value through personal assets, social prowess and/or a decent personality, then most beautiful women are going to develop a “I’ll show him” mentality and they begin doing little things to help increase their own value in the eyes of the guy. This is of course not enough to sustain a relationship but first impressions are crucial… what everyother guy does, do the opposite initially. Some women get stuck in this rut forever, addicted the guy who makes her feel like shit but all to often this is just her own insecurities combined with low self-esteem finding joy in the tiniest things the guy that treats her like shit does… its fascinating and heart wrenching to see, but it’s everywhere, all the time.
There has to be some exceptions to the whole priority vs options thing… overall you’re right. You should want to get rid of that person who makes you feel like shit for loving them but certain situations are a bit tricky especially when you’re dealing with complex people. Everyone has baggage, justifiable reasons to be protective over their heart, fearful that they will be hurt again. Maybe this fear is blinding them as to who is standing right in front them, if you understand or try to understand and can take a few stinging blows then the end result could very well be something that lasts, something truly beautiful.
Attraction is an fascinating topic and the truth behind what you where pondering would vary greatly depending on the individuals involved. The psyche of a man and a woman are vastly different and what attraction is based on, the reasons typical men and women are attracted to one person or another are also going to be very different.
ReplyDeleteWomen of outstanding beauty are bored by men who kiss up and constantly tell them how beautiful they are, there is no challenge no battle to be won. If it’s easy its usually not worth it. Women like a challenge, nice guys are just… boring. Men and women, especially attractive ones who have options, are always going to be more intrigued by the ones who turn them down, the cat and mouse game builds up tension that tension turns to passion if right strings are plucked. A lot of it is about… (status isn’t really the right word but it’s the best one available to me at the moment)… lets go laments, its like a girl is almost always going to be intrigued by a guy that treats her in a way that she is not used to. So instead of drooling all over himself and firing off the same compliments she hears 10,000 times a day, maybe he makes a fun of her a little bit… tell her that her shoes look really “comfortable” when in reality shes wearing some sick heels, or tells her that she could of done a better job with her make up or makes fun of her oddly shaped head. Nothing downright mean but little passive jabs that let her know that this guy is comfortable with her beauty and he’s used to being around beautiful women.
What it ends up being is just praying on insecurities. Women, especially beautiful women, have a hidden ego. They know they are beautiful and are used to being treated as such, when all of the sudden they are treated as regular or less than, if they guy does a good job of displaying his own value through personal assets, social prowess and/or a decent personality, then most beautiful women are going to develop a “I’ll show him” mentality and they begin doing little things to help increase their own value in the eyes of the guy. This is of course not enough to sustain a relationship but first impressions are crucial… what everyother guy does, do the opposite initially. Some women get stuck in this rut forever, addicted the guy who makes her feel like shit but all to often this is just her own insecurities combined with low self-esteem finding joy in the tiniest things the guy that treats her like shit does… its fascinating and heart wrenching to see, but it’s everywhere, all the time.
There has to be some exceptions to the whole priority vs options thing… overall you’re right. You should want to get rid of that person who makes you feel like shit for loving them but certain situations are a bit tricky especially when you’re dealing with complex people. Everyone has baggage, justifiable reasons to be protective over their heart, fearful that they will be hurt again. Maybe this fear is blinding them as to who is standing right in front them, if you understand or try to understand and can take a few stinging blows then the end result could very well be something that lasts, something truly beautiful.